Mood:confused but happy I have a lot of reading to do, so I think ill productively procrastinate by adding to my blog. I will have to say that I am frustrated with this blog thing, maybe I don't know how to work it, but I can't make paragraphs nor can I edit titles and subtitles of entries. I have heard how you do it, and made several failed attempts, but I think I am trying to do it the more technical way.... hmmmmm..... This was a wild weekend, FNP was really great, as I have just joined the team and im learning the ropes. (How those pros do it) I think we had some kind of record for attendance that night, I heard a count of 40 people which is very very good for us, I hope that is a consistent number. I found out on Saturday that I have several chronic diseases, one of which being a messed up knee and the other a laughing problem. The knee injury happened sometime like Thurs and then progressed until crippleness occured on Sat. I went to the stinkin doctor and have gave me some stinkin pills, he was nice and he didn't stink but nontheless I am not a fan of anything medical..... ::cringe:: As for the other disease, I think God has blessed me with that one. Sometimes I hear funny stuff, like in a conversation and I laugh, just a normal joke accompanied by a normal laugh. I am sure you know the times, when something is said in a conversation and the speaker pauses after his/her pun and people laugh. I would call those situations "programmed laughs", they are expected and are very appropriate, and usually very funny, but I have noticed that they aren't neccessarily spontaneous. This is where my sense of humor falls in, so I have been told. There are certain things that aren't funny to the average Joe on the street, but to me they seem to come. For instance, last night we were playing Nertz which is a highly active, fast, addicting card game. During gameplay I mentioned how I was afraid to slap my cards down during a certain time to the game, I thought I might lose a hand with the way things were going. Apparently Andy thought I said I was "afraidin", and they he does a southern accent impression, "I was afraidin for ma life!" (by the way I am laughing at as I type) As soon as I heard him say that I invisioned a little girl about 9 years old with dress on,slightly dirty blonde hair and wearing some sneakers. I imagined her saying this quote while she was being interviewed on black and white t.v. right after a tornado had hit a small town in Alabama. "I was afraidin for ma life!" in a little girl southern draw. (Doesn't that seem funny! Kinda like those southern kids that used to the Welch's grape juice comercials.) Now I realize that my sense of humor is becoming more and more visual with things that I hear and I realize that this one sentence constructed a vivid event in my mind. So do you see how I could find this one sentence funny? I have been told that people think I see the world as more funny than usual, I wish all were so fortunate, if not give it a shot. Alas I am looking at the clock and realizing that I have some reading left to do, the good thing is that I find it facinating. To bad I have the attention span of a 5 year-old. haha. Just a note, humility has been on my mind quite a bit latley. I have been in a spiritual battle for a long time now, about 2 years, and I really think that is what God wanted me to learn. I am/was a proud man, and scripture says God opposes those kind of people. I have been in a struggle for a long time, it took that long to realize that I am just dust, and not at all what I thought I was. I am grateful of the blessings and talents that God has given me, but I claimed most of those as my own, now I am learning that all good things are gifts, blessings, treasures, utilities for me to use in my life as weapons in our spiritual battle. Today in church we talked about John 9 and the blind man, and how God's work radiated through that man. God doesn't want to make us stronger, but weaker, lacking in nothing. Like the blind man depending on begging to survive, we as believers should beg to our father, depend upon him for all things in our life, that means food, love, air, marriage, clothes; every facit of daily life a person can imagine. As I learn how falible I am, I realize how good that blind man is in the sight of God. I pray that you and I will become beggars of the gospel. Currently listeing to: Andy Hunter, a Christian DJ (Christian Techno) - - yes it does exist.

Books, books, books, they just amaze me sometimes. Take textbooks for instance, namely the Mizzou textbook exchange system. I bought 5 books for last semester, which I fully enjoyed in my academic endeavors as a student at wonderful Mizzou. Fall semester rolled around and, being a person with normal thought pattern, I decided I would take an active roll in the future of my books. "I think ill trade my textbooks back into the university for some extra cash for the holiday season." My brain said to itself. So I began what would be a dissappointing quest of a positive idea. I had taken 4 classes at Mizzou, the first being CECS 103, Acct 036, Psych 180 and Math 060. First things first, the math book didn't go back, they had already bought back all the books they needed. Oddly enough I took the final on one of the last slots avialable for the week, so for me to have turned it in sooner, I would have had to study for the final without the book, which apparently is what most of Mizzou did, maybe that could explain my average grade. Secondly my psych book also couldn't go back, but for a much more exotic reason; they had decided that the textbook wasn't to the liking of the professor so, she was going to order another book for the course next semester. My second attempt shot down again by my higher authorities. Third, the CECS book, which is a programming class, didn't go back for the same reason. But I found this one much more humerous; this was the first semester for programming to use that language, JAVA. This means that even thought the class is technically a semester old they still didn't want the book. I would think that they would give the book a longer trial period than just one semster. How ignorant I must be to assume such logic, I am anxious for the day when I possess the knowledge for my wonderful professors. And finally the Accounting book, I haven't taken that one back yet, I thought I might be taking the second level of that class, which uses the same book. I am sure that I will be able to sell this book back, since the professor wrote it, I doubt she would find another one that suits her liking. So I guess I wasn't totally unsuccessful, on 75%, I guess that isn't to bad huh? I am sitting here in my room and pondering all the stupid things that I need to get done between now and the time school starts, I hate that feeling...... That country song comes to mind, "I hurry hurry to get things done, so I rush and rush until lifes no fun, all I really gotta do is live and die (and love JESUS!) and I am in a hurry and don't know why." Oh thank goodness that I don't have the work ethic that man does, I would be quite the productive person. : ) I very much enjoy reflecting on my past and the sweet memories that are hidden away for a later time. Last semester, I was triggered of some memories of my young days in the park. I remember those days when life was innocent; when I didn't let myself get wrapped into the things that would hurt me. I fondly remember times my dad and I would go to this park and practice playing baseball. It was a lot of fun, he woudl pitch and I would hit lots and lots of balls way way out there. I would hit about 8 of them and then he would run ang get them. The park that we were at was very pretty, its in north east missouri, in Hannibal. We would enter the large park on a winding road that snaked its way towards the river front view. Many tall white oak trees lined the small one-lane road as we approached the edge of the public property. I remember the fall season being very beautiful; with its red, orange and yellow leaves carpeting the road and surrounding trails of the park. When rainstorms would come in the fall, the road would be wet and covered in the autumn leaves. I remember laughing at the road as we drove over it, keep in mind I am five years old right now. I found it so funny that when you would drive the car over the leaves, they wouldn't move because they were stuck to the ground. Leaves reminded me of birds when I was little, they would fly around in no particular pattern flowing wherever the wind decided to take them. I have you ever seen young kitten play with objects that are lying on the floor? Give me a thumbs up to the monitor if you have, if you haven't I am sad for you. Well the leaves reminded me of the kittens when they would blow across the ground when cars would drive by, but it was just so weird to not see them moving. I realize this is a stretch for me to see humor in now, but I remember thinking this very clearly. It makes me smile. I think I was a funny kid when I was younger, so I guess this doesn't surprise me that I thought this was funny. The road with the leaves on it would wind towards lookout point, as they called it. The point over looked the Mighty Mississippi, which was quite a spectacle at this particular spot. A person would look from the top of the tree-covered bluff and see the river flowing below as well as some pearl-colored grain silos on the other side of the embankment. Around the grain silos were a cluster of trees making the farm equipment look more poetic than I have ever seen in any setting. Who would have guessed that agriculture could look so peaceful. Behind the silos rested miles and miles of green, lush field, which housed enough food to feed the world, or so it appeared to this little tike. The fields were fashioned in huge squares making the whole thing look like a patchwork quilt. All this talk makes me feel kind of old. Tip of the day: Don't attempt to watch Ben Hurr and The Ten Commandments back to back, your brain will rot.

For all the blessings that I have a think the one that I am most fond of is humor in my life. I am even more thankful that God has on also. Our house in Kansas City is being painted on the inside after suffering years and years of dirty fingerprints, hieroglyphs (sp?), and lipstick smooches from my sister. God bless her, she said she couldn't help it, the wall were just too cute for her to pass up, so she had to show the walls her appreciation with a kiss. My mom hired a man named Brad to paint the inside of our house, come to find out he is a pastor at a small town near us. So Brad begins to paint one of the larger areas of our house, it has really high ceilings which are only reachable with a ladder. I began to watch with some skepticism as he began to climb to the top of the ladder which was about 20 feet off the ground. As he neared the top, I joking asked him if his life insurance was all paid up, he returned a sobering reply of yes. And then he realized that I was telling a joke, and then he laughed, I guess I have to get better on my delivery. He reached the top of the ladder and paused for a second. "Yeah, im not so sure about heights. The bible says "lo I am with you always." "So I guess that means that Hes not with me right now." I let out a laugh. I have heard creative uses of scripture before, but that is quite impressive. I hope you enjoyed my little story there, im not that great at writing, am using blogspot to get better at it. As I sit at this computer, in Luke Daugherty's room (what what!) I am beginning to reflect on the past and how sweet are the memories of old. I find that quite odd, that even though there are negative things that happen in the past the are dwarfed by the fond memories I have of High school, childhood, and last semester at Mizzou. Maybe there is something to that, I remember a time in my life where I couldn't remember something good that happened to me, but after I have become Christian, my mind has been changed so drastically. Now when I look back I see how my Father was always with my gently guiding me towards his grace; pulling me away from the wages of my sinful nature. How sweet is His love for this wretched man. When I think about it it makes me feel like a child, a child being taught and instructed, but most of all being forgiven for his wrong. This last semester proved to be such a growing time for me, and I didn't realize it, actually I thought that I had it all figured out. Little did I know. Its so good to sit back and think of all the wonderful things that God has done, I don't do it enough. The semester will be getting started soon, so now is my change to stop and smell the roses, mmmmm.

"How do you get all the grace you will ever need? Be humble." That sums up my DCC experience this past year. As a person confident in what I can do, humility is a hinderance to my forward progress as a producing civilian. And oddly enough, humility is what impedes my walk with Christ on a daily basis. This past week showed me what John 15:18+ is all about. My natrual inclination as a man is to brush aside all opposition and impail the stake right in the heart of my agressor. I got a stark illustration of what humility should be like when I met with an elderly Christian Scientist this past week in Denver. I stood in a circle of believers after lunch at a nearby food court, as the sun hit my face on that warm Monday afternoon. I glanced across the circle of eight or so members to hear Luke remind me that I needed to go to the Christian Scientist Reading room for some evangelism. I didn't realize what I would get out of the experience as I raced down 16th street to meet my goal for the day. Electronica beats echoing through my ears as I crossed from street to street, I enjoyed the most beautiful stretch of downtown that Denver has to offer. I began to pray for my upcoming appointment, for the soul of the person I began to talk to, and for the words that would come out of my mouth. After 4 blocks or so I reached the corner of 16th and something, the name slips me at the moment. Removing my headphones I head in to the small establishment. The room reminded me of a doctors office waiting room stacked with thick books and various periodicals. The room was divided by a single glass wall seperating the study and the front office. I proceeded to the study to embark upon memories of my childhood. I sat down at a small desk, upon which lay the bible (KJV) and along side "Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures". The question rising in my mind as how "Science and Health" was seen as equivalent to inspiried biblical text by Christian Scientists. The thought also flashing in my head as to how the Catholic Church does the same with the Cathechism. The smell of these books hit me and I was taken back to a place where I used to attend church in Quincy Illinois. I could see those ugly yellow crusty walls that held the building up and the insulated piping running along the ceiling which created a canopy over the students in that dank basement. Boy was I glad that those days were over....... Ill admit this upcoming appointment was personal to me. There was a hint of anger that burned inside of me for all those who had been fooled by this so called "religion"......what a sad joke. I flipped throuhg the bible just to see what marks people had made, stumbling upon a passage that mentioned the savior which was crossed out with a blue chalk mark. "Time to roll" I said to myself reminding me of the famous quote by a passenger of a Pennsylvainia plane that was bound to be part of a terrorist offense on our nation. I couldn't tell you if this engagment was more or less important, there was only one person involved but salvation was a stake, and I pray still is for that man. I entered the door way of the attendee's office seeing a jolly fat man sitting at a computer desk pounding away at a game of solitare. He wore thick glasses, a tight fitting knit shirt, brown trousers, and wide smile.I knocked on the metal doorway with my middle knuckle of my left hand. "Excuse me I have a few questions, do you have some time?" Knowing good and well that he was paid to sit in a chair all day and answer the phone, I knew that he had some time for me. I will spare you all the mindless banter that he engaged me with, but he concluded that he was perfect, as are all people and even Hitler to my own astonishment. Apparently we will all reach perfection with enough work on our own mindset, I guess I have been barking up the wrong tree and reading the wrong bible too, what an imbulsil huh? He also told me that there were parts of the bible that he (Mary Baker Eddy) didn't understand, therefore he couldn't/shouldn't make any attempt to discover the scriptures for himself. In reference to John 14:6, he had no idea what that meant, he considered metaphoric in nature and not concrete. I would consider "...no one comes to the Father except through me." to be a fairly concrete statement, but maybe I am jumping to conclusions. He also enlightened me that everyone goes to heaven, again contradictory to scripture. Why have I been wasting all this time seeking not myself if selfishness is the way that I am supposed to live? Again, paint me stupid. To save you lots and lots of dialogue, the conversation ended with me clarifying that he was an idolater, and that God opposed the proud. The pride of a jolly man had taken over and he asked me to leave the building, of course I obliged, but I hope that some progress was made toward that mans salvation. The experience shook me to the core, I had never felt afraid after a conversation. I felt tense, angry at that man's pride, and somewhat relieved that I had done that, all in the same breath. Opened the metal door of the office and entered into the urban wilderness of Denver once again. Putting the headphones back on, I flipped to a song by The Cross Movement to take the edge off my nerves. With the deep urban beats moving through my head, I trotted down the bustling sidewalk toward the hotel, feeling saddened by what had happened. Getting back to the humility aspect of the event, I entered the building knowing the right things that I needed to address with this man, how to convict his heart of his sin to show his need for a savior, and I left feeling like I had just tried to persuade a chair of its salvation. During that conversation the jolly fat man showed more humility than I felt that I had yet he was clearly wrong on his theology. I was just upset by what happened, I just dont get it. Did he not want to offend me, I know that consideration wasn't one that I had for him. That would have been counter productive. If anything his sin was brought to light, and I pray that he would become saved before his time on earth is through. I am sitting here at the computer mentally scratching my head, and im wondering what will happen to him and also what I am supposed to learn from the encounter. A similar feeling commonly comes over me when I open a math book, har har har. I know the event will occupy this mans mind until light is brought to it. I hope you enjoyed my first entry in my online journal, if I stick with this, it will be intruiging to see what these fingers tap out.